SIDE ONE
Looks like a fine place to sit — until you get a sore ass. We all hate folks who sit on fences. And for good reason. But sometimes (and I mean SOMEtimes), it’s my favourite place to be.
I’ll start with the important part — indecision ain’t doin shit for your career or for your personal wellbeing. Wow, jeez sorry, am I allowed to swear on here? Maybe I’ll soften it a bit… at every fork in the road, at every turn, and every step of the way, there’s a path forward for you. But in order to take the path forward, you have to actually step forward. Staring at your options indefinitely is a sure way to stand still. I’m pretty sure you don’t want that.
Indecision is the boulder we push up a mountain. If we’re not actively working against it, it’s sure to push you right back to where you started.
Now for the part where I disagree with myself — what else is new. There’s a sweet spot, a window of decision making that’s worth taking your time on; worth sitting on the fence for at least a sec. Cause the best time to see what’s on both sides is before you get off it. It can be hard enough to make up our minds about so many of the little decisions we make on a day to day — not to mention the big ones — but when we take a few moments to sit there, even though it’s uncomfortable, we gain a bit of perspective on what our options actually look like. How green IS that grass actually?
There might be an obvious choice. Maybe one path is clearly a well-worn. A that a few of the folks you look up to have taken pretty recently. Even if that’s the case, it’s always worth exploring your options. Maybe the better path is actually overgrown and a little rough simply because some folks are too scared of a thorn or two. Or maybe you’re the type of person who likes to go against the grain and you’re inclined towards the dirtier side of the fence. It’ll serve you well to understand why that ‘status quo’ side of the fence is so popular. Maybe this time it’s worth considering. Either way, understanding our options at every turn only helps us learn something new or at very least, become more confident about which side of the fence we choose.
I really like that part of the [job]. I like playing devil’s advocate for the choices we’re about to make. I like looking at both sides, both options ahead, all the alternatives, and seriously considering “what would it look like if we were doing things completely differently?” Or “what if we took the opposite approach?”. So yea, sometimes you’ll find me perched up someplace, trying to find a proper vantage point. Somewhere that I can see enough of both sides to know where I want to be.
Then you’ll see me get off the fence. Every time. Before my ass starts to hurt.
SIDE TWO
Indecision is a killer with a BB gun.
It might not be lethal, but it still fucking hurts.
Decisions are huge right ? Life altering. Career defining. Course changing. They can build a bridge or burn one down.
When we face decisions of a certain magnitude, they don’t just feel big, they feel mountainous. Glacial. We see the tip of the iceberg but are left guessing at what’s underneath. It’s scary. It’s anxiety ridden. And it’s confidence shaking.
Decisiveness requires us to trust ourselves. Despite the surface bravado most of us portray on stage, in the studio, and on socials, we’re not really as confident we want others to believe.
I think that’s why we agonize so much. It’s not because the decision is so hard, it’s because trusting ourselves is harder. I’ve always felt like decisions aren’t really as difficult as we make them out to be. I have a gut feeling that we often know what we want to do quite quickly, and then spend the rest of the time trying to talk ourselves in and out of that outcome. Pretending we’re on the fence because we don’t know, while we’re really sitting on the fence because we’re scared of which way we know we wanna go.
Before you go and read this as critical, let me say this - fear is real. It is healthy (to an extent) and it is a major factor in self protection and preservation. You need to listen to it sometimes. You just don’t want to let it dictate the terms of your life.
I’ve tried to become a more decisive person. Not because it would serve me well professionally (even though it does) but because it serves me better personally. I’ve been learning to trust my gut, to trust the instincts I’ve been given and have built up over time. To trust that neither failure or success is a permanent place. A decision that ends in failure isn’t always a bad one. And one that ends in success doesn’t automatically make it the right one.
How we measure success is going to have a lot to do with the decisions we make and how we evaluate them in post. If success is defined by money, status or public perception, we’re gonna make a series of decisions geared towards those things. If our success is defined by less tangible but more meaningful things, we’ll make a different set of decisions to get there. And stay there.
If you’re on the fence about the direction your career is headed, I encourage you to get off. Sit there too long and you’ll have splinters in your ass. You’ll also waste more of the life you’re given than you can probably afford to. Do not give into the ruse that we have ‘all the time in the world’, we don’t. We have a small amount of time to do the things we feel called to do and be the people we feel called to be. Then the phone rings one day, and it’s over. You can read that as depressing or you can read it as an encouraging kick in the ass to take that step. Forwards or backwards.
Making the tough decision doesn’t mean you always go for it. Decisiveness isn’t always saying yes. Sometimes we know we wanna say no but we agonize over the impact our no will have on somebody else’s yes. Other times, being decisive means saying yes and trusting that you’ll figure it out. It means jumping in with both feet because something feels right, even before it looks right.
I remember my dad telling me years ago that he believes humans have an unbelievable ability to adapt and change, when we want to. I think he’s right. Knowing that should make decisions a little less scary. If things don’t work out the way we hoped, we have the ability to make another decision to recalibrate our course. Maybe we’re starting over from the back of the pack, but the chance to keep going is still there. Sometimes that recalibration is forced on us by the decisions or actions of others, but either way, we’re better adapters than we give ourselves credit for.
Look back on your life and you’ll see a series of good and bad decisions, there’s no way you’ve ended up where you are without making both. Doesn’t that give you the confidence to get off the fence ? You’re still here. You’re reading this. You’re fighting another day. For what you love. For who you love. For yourself. That’s what we want right ? To be in the ring. There’s no fence in the ring. There’s just you and whatever you’ve decided to take on. It’s scary. It can be humbling. And it doesn’t always end in victory. But fuck it feels good.
Trust yourself.
Pound for pound, no one knows you better than you.
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